The Great Wiener War of 2011

Are "all beef" hot dogs really made with only beef, and nothing else?  Should a "100% pure beef" hot dog be allowed to contain other, non-beef ingredients?  Is anyone actually confused by the terms "all beef" or "100% pure beef" when used to advertise hot dogs?  Do they think they're purchasing steak or hamburger meat?  Who are these people that don't know that additives and filler ingredients are actually what makes hot dogs so delicious?

Apparently the "big weenies" of the hot dog industry think this can be confusing.

Kraft Foods Inc., worried that its Oscar Mayer Wieners were losing their market position as America’s top hot dog, launched a massive and misleading ad campaign against the Ball Park franks made by Sara Lee Corp., an attorney for the rival company told a U.S. judge on Aug. 15.

Kraft, the world’s second-biggest food company, was sued by Sara Lee and accused of deceiving consumers with the claim that its franks are 100 percent beef and lying about taste-test results. Northfield, Illinois-based Kraft countersued, claiming Downers Grove, Illinois-based Sara Lee is falsely advertising how its product fared in a contest.

Kraft engaged in a “massive and unprecedented” campaign to mislead consumers, Sara Lee lawyer Richard Leighton told U.S. Magistrate Judge Morton Denlow today at the start of a non-jury trial in Chicago. He said the campaign was driven by Kraft’s fear that Ball Park sales would eclipse those of Oscar Mayer.

Sara Lee, which also produces desserts, breads, coffees and luncheon meats, sued Kraft in 2009, alleging it violated Illinois laws prohibiting deceptive trade practices. Sara Lee, challenging the composition of Oscar Mayer 100 percent jumbo beef franks, seeks unspecified money damages in the trial.

Kraft, the maker of Nabisco cookies, A-1 steak sauce, Cool Whip dessert toppings and Velveeta processed cheese, has accused Sara Lee of violating the state’s deceptive-trade laws by claiming its Ball Park Angus Beef Franks won prizes they didn’t win. Kraft also seeks unspecified money damages.

Oscar Mayer “knew it had a better product,” Kraft attorney Stephen O’Neil said in his opening statement Monday. “It won the taste test convincingly,” over the Ball Park brand and ConAgra’s Hebrew National, “because it knew it had a better product.”

Consumers in the U.S. bought more than $1.6 billion worth of hot dogs last year, eating about 7 billion of them from the Memorial Day federal holiday in late May to Labor Day at the beginning of September, according to statistics compiled by the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council, a Washington-based meat industry advocacy group.

Sara Lee’s lawyer, Leighton, spoke for about two hours as he challenged Kraft’s claims that its product is pure beef. Sara Lee’s complaint says that Oscar Mayer Wieners contain water, salt, corn syrup, paprika, dried garlic, spices and other ingredients.

Leighton said Kraft’s assertion that its hot dogs had been chosen as America’s best-tasting in a national test was “literally false.”

Kraft touted that claim in print, broadcast and Internet advertisements including one TV add Leighton said had been shown more than 366 million times.

Denlow interrupted Leighton several times, saying that Sara Lee’s complaints about the language in Kraft’s marketing campaign may be too literal.

“I don’t want to leave common sense outside the courthouse door,” the judge said.

He also questioned Sara Lee’s claim its product was best because it had won an award conferred by a San Francisco-based group.

“How would 10 chefs in San Francisco know, when they’ve never been to Chicago or tasted a Chicago hot dog?” Denlow asked.

The case is Sara Lee Corp. v. Kraft Foods Inc., 09-cv-03039, U.S. District Court, Northern District of Illinois (Chicago).

The only thing I love more than NASCAR is Jesus. . .and maybe my smokin' hot wife!

OK, so I'll admit, I'm not really a NASCAR fan.  I don't have a favorite driver, and I don't really ever watch it.  I have been known to drink a few beers while watching cars go around in circles, but that's about it.  This guy, though, loves him some NASCAR:

That's a pretty ferocious combo of loving Jesus, NASCAR, and your smokin' hot wife!  Buggity, buggity, buggity!

Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, and. . .Amy Winehouse?

Anther lazy Sunday, tailor made for another lazy Sunday post:

Perhaps you've heard of the "27 Club" or the "Forever 27 Club?"  If you haven't, it's a way to refer to a number of legendary rock icons who all died at the age of 27.  When I think of legendary rock icons who died at the age of 27, I think of Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain; fans of the Rolling Stones would insist that Brian Jones be included as well.

Now, with the news of Amy Winehouse's death at the age of 27, CBS News insists that she has joined the club.  I would heartily disagree with that, unless CBS doesn't care about whether the artist has made an indelible impression on the music world, but only that he or she died at the age of 27 - which would include all of these artists as well.  It would seem that I am apparently able to do that two-second internet research that someone at CBS found too difficult.  I'm sure Walter Cronkite would have gone that extra mile. 

Of course, sensationalism sells the news, and comparing Amy Winehouse's legacy to that of some of rock's greats simply by virtue of them dying at the same age is more sensational than speculating whether or not drugs played a role in her death and if she should have, in fact, gone to rehab (for those of you who may not be familiar with her discography, that's a reference to one of her songs that describes her refusal to go to rehab).

Don't get me wrong, her death is a tragedy, and my sympathy goes out to all of her friends and family and anyone whose life she touched.  But she's no Jim Morrison.

And if you had her in your death pool, you just hit a home run.

Do you need a fishing license to catch Osama bin Laden?

I was on my way to work this morning, and I heard this guy on the radio talking about how he was going to search the North Arabian Sea and find the body of Osama bin Laden.  Check out the bin Laden Sea Hunt.  Really - this guy, Bill Warren, who (according to the bio page on his website) splits his time between treasure hunting, singing, and "his historic home renovation business in St. Louis, Missouri," plans on finding the body of bin Laden, fishing it out of the ocean, and DNA testing it to prove whether we really got him.

This is the guy who will comb the oceans for the body.

I *said* they should have released the pictures!

On the radio, he was asked what happens after he finds the body and does all that.  He then informed the listening audience that "a Pakistani man with a Pakistani accent" has offered him $20 million if he finds the body so that it can receive a proper burial.  So if you've been trying to pick up a little bit of spare cash, it sounds like one hell of a moneymaking opportunity!  All you need is a john boat and a boatload of optimism!

The One Stop Shop for all your Billy Cooper photo needs

I originally went to post all of these on facebook, but then I remembered how huge of a pain in the keyster it always seems to be to post pictures there.  Then I realized, what a great opportunity to force traffic to my blog!  I'm also certain that should you wish to save a picture (and I just *know* you will!!!), it'll be simpler and have better resolution here too.  Enjoy!

Thanks for looking!