Monday, May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day, please celebrate appropriately

By "celebrate appropriately," I'm not referring to not drinking and driving after the barbecue (although you should never drink and drive!); rather, I'm asking that you please take a moment (or longer) to recognize the lives and sacrifices of those who serve or have served in our armed forces, and to honor those who have fallen in the line of duty.

I never really understood Memorial Day when I was growing up.  To me, it was that day in the spring that we drove from cemetery to cemetery and put flowers on the graves of relatives whose names I vaguely recognized.  I was routinely told how important it was for us to do that, but all I knew was that I had to waste what usually turned out to be a gorgeous day being forced to hear about this dead uncle or that dead cousin.

I'll be honest, I'd like to think that I'd finally understand it otherwise, but my brother's service in the US Army has really shown me the importance of Memorial Day.  Through the magic of Facebook, I've seen numerous posts today in memory of soldiers and Marines killed in action.  Every one of the men whom I've read about today was someone's son, and most were husbands and brothers, too, and but for the grace of God, my brother might have been one of those to remember today.

I appreciate the sacrifices that our service personnel make, ranging from being stationed in inconvenient places and the long (and sometimes unusual) hours on duty to the possibility of being deployed, injured, and possibly killed.  I am thankful for what they do, and I feel that most Americans are as well.  But to me, Memorial Day is not necessarily about being thankful to our military for what they do (isn't that more what Veterans' Day is for?).  Rather, I think Memorial Day is *the* day for us to honor our fallen soldiers (and sailors, Marines, and airmen).  

Why is this important?  Well, when someone joins the military and takes on the possibility of being deployed and put in harm's way, it is our responsibility to make sure that their sacrifice is not unnecessary.  Don't get me wrong, if we could live in a perfect world of sunshine and butterflies where nobody had to fight for anything, then I would love not having to send people off to war.  However, as a realist, I know that there have been Hitlers and slavery in this world, and that there are some things worth fighting (and sending people off to die) for.  In a democratic republic, we owe it to our military to elect responsible leaders who will utilize our military judiciously, and won't needlessly risk their lives.  Our leaders also have to give the military the proper tools with which to do their jobs.

I'm not saying that the US shouldn't involve itself in any conflicts - we have a great deal of interests across the world, and at times, we have to defend those interests.  We owe it to our military to make sure their sacrifices are worth it.  It's only by remembering and honoring the dead that we can hope to deploy our military responsibly.  So enjoy the day off (if you're lucky enough to get it), have fun at the BBQ, but please remember why we have this holiday.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Not surprisingly, Americans don't know how to drive

Doesn't sound so surprising, does it?  I shouldn't say all Americans, but. . .

I would have paid money to see this one.
More than one in five Americans -- some 36.9 million -- are not fit to drive and would fail a driving test if asked to take one today, according to a new survey of the nation's drivers.

Shocking as that may be, it's actually an improvement. Last year, 38 million received failing grades. Nationwide, the average score this year increased to 77.9% from 76.2% in 2010.

According to GMAC Insurance, which conducted the survey, the results mean that a great number of people on the road still lack basic driving knowledge, an ignorance that leads to dangerous driving habits.

For example, a full 85% of those surveyed could not identify the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light, and only one in four knew safe following distances.

But, the survey suggests, you can avoid some of these drivers if you know what to look for: Young people, women and motorists who live in the Northeast.  (It seems like all my stereotypes are right on target)
Just who I would suspect. . .

Twenty-seven percent of women failed the test, while males had a failure rate of 13.6%. The oldest drivers tested -- ages 60 to 65 -- had the highest average test scores at 80.3%.

Drivers in the Northeast scored lowest, while respondents in the Midwest fared best. The worst place, no surprise to anyone who drives there, is Washington, D.C.

Wyoming, where less than 5% of the population failed the test, took home the top prize for states.

The annual GMAC Insurance National Drivers test polled 5,130 licensed drivers from 50 states and the District of Columbia with a 20-question test derived from state department of motor vehicles exams.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Reflections on the week that was

Hey all, sorry for the lack of posts. The wife is in the process of hatching our first child, and for a short while, it seemed like he was gonna come a bit too soon, so she was on bed rest and I, therefore, had significantly less time to devote to my true passion, The Billy Blog. I’m sure you all missed my witty criticism of the world, so here’s what we missed:

“Macho Man” Randy Savage passed away at the age of 58.
Ooooh, yeah!
Slim Jims - cause of death, or cause of life?
 Well, I guess I shouldn’t just say “passed away;” in true Macho Man flair, he suffered a major heart attack while driving, and subsequently crashed his Jeep into a tree. I have to admit, the news of his death really hit me in that odd way where you don’t realize how big a fan you were of someone famous until you realize they are no more. It shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did; the human body can only survive a diet of Slim Jims and anabolic steroids for so long, but I was still deeply saddened. Perhaps it’s because with the Macho Man’s passing, a bit of my childhood passed away as well. I loved going to the video store and renting the old wrestling movies (you see, my family didn’t believe in investing in that cable TV fad until after I went off to college, so those old videos were the only way I could get my WWF fix), and the highlight of them all were WrestleManias 1-5. Macho Man stole the show in WrestleMania III (along with Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat), won the WWF Championship in a tournament at WrestleMania IV, and played Scottie Pippen to Hulk Hogan’s Michael Jordan through ‘til WrestleMania V, where he dropped the title to the Hulkster. Along the way, the Macho Man’s jealousy over Miss Elizabeth taught us that women are property over which for men to feud (and drop flying elbows from the top turnbuckle), and that if it’s true love, she probably won’t mind if you slap her around a little. So I offer a hearty “thank you,” Macho Man, for the years of entertainment you have provided.

The world didn’t actually end on May 21.

Who's a douchebag?
Despite Harold Camping’s calculations and predictions (which he should be good at, since he’s got practice – he previously pronounced the world would end Sept. 7, 1994), Judgment Day didn’t quite pan out, at least not like he initially proclaimed. I know that I wasn’t raptured, and I’m fairly certain that if anyone is raptured, it’s gonna be me, so I can logically conclude that nobody was raptured. I didn’t really think it was going to happen (at least, not on that date, like he said), but then again, I’m not sure he did either – his radio station made sure to keep their licensing valid through 2012. So how did Harold Camping respond to the end of the world not ending the world? I guess now Judgment Day has become Judgment-Five-Months – according to Camping himself, “We didn’t see any difference, but God brought Judgment Day to bear upon the whole world. The whole world is under Judgment day and it will continue right up until October 21, 2011, and by that time the whole world will be destroyed.” I guess maybe May 21 was Judgment Day, and October 21 will be Sentencing Day?

The US loves Israel, we're just not in love with Israel.  Baby, it's not you, it's us.  Barack Obama really screwed over Israel. OK, really, no matter how you feel about Israel, just look at the relationship dynamic – we’ve traditionally been Israel’s ally, and on the eve of Netanyahu’s visit, not only does the President of the US announce that we're bailing on them, he does so without any  advance notice.  Even I never broke up with anyone with such insensitivity.  It does make me wonder, though, if Obama is serious about returning to historic borders:

Is this next on the agenda?

So there you have it; that's all I can remember from this past week.  Right now, the wife is doing fine (and so I have a little more free time), so hopefully I can return to a more regular schedule.  Stay classy, San Diego!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The importance of carpooling

Don't do it for the environment.  Don't do it to save cash.  No, do it to fight fascism!!!

It seems like that SOB always wants a free ride, anyway.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Dear God, I hate people on Facebook

So it looks like a short post today, mostly because I'm trying out how to win the lottery and get to keep my food stamps:

$2M Michigan lottery winner defends use of food stamps

But until I can figure out how to best make fun of that guy, I'll make fun of this-

We all like Facebook, I'm sure (or hate it, whatever; it's all the same), but doesn't it provide the forum to make you wonder just how some people are able to function in their daily lives?  I mean, I've worked in retail banking, so I've seen stupid people at their stupidest, but I am continually amazed at just how stupid people can be.  Take, for instance, the following post (which I was only able to see because a friend responded to someone else's post - I would never friend someone this monumentally moronic, even for Restaurant City ingredients):

A little background first - apparently someone out there in Facebook land (the victim) got cheated on, and then posted on Facebook complaining because the cheater also got to keep the Jeep that the victim paid for.  Sure, that sucks, and isn't that why Facebook was invented, to air your relationship grievances to your tight-knit circle of 660+ friends across the globe?  Of course, most normal people realize that a) it sucks when someone cheats on you, and b) it sucks even more when the cheater keeps your Jeep, so the original post was followed by a deluge of posts proclaiming the cheater to be (among other things) a bitch, and so family has to step in to defend family (by posting - isn't Facebook great??). . .which leads to this masterpiece:

(warning: profane idiocy to follow)
"i dont like that yall disrespectin my sister callin her bitches an i aint finna sit here an let yall keep disrespectin her. yall tha bitches fa bein in (name) an (other name) buisness i dont give ah fuck if you family or not. we aint never disrespected (name) by callin her out her name YALL BITCHES need to move tha fuck around cause if i see anybody else call her ah bitch its gone be problems. Ima come down there an beat some bitches ass"
(/profane idiocy) 

Obviously, I edited the two names in the post, and that's it.  I'm thankful for copy & paste, because I would be physically unable to type such trash without actually taking the time to unlearn years of grammar, spelling, and the muscle memory of typing with proper spelling and grammar.  I don't like to think of myself as a grammar nazi (I'm really more of a grammar snob, if anything), but it amazes me that any computer anywhere would even allow such a post without instantly turning into a Terminator and killing John Connor to put mankind out of its misery.

"its gone be problems"

Has this person ever read?  Anything?  EVER?  Could someone please point me to one instance where the word "finna" is used in anything that has actual pages?  Perhaps somewhere near "tha," as well?  I must have missed that spelling test in grade school.  That could have been the same day where we learned that "ah" is the accepted demonstrative form of the article "a."  I can see people using shortcuts to speed up typing (like when you shorten "I'm gonna" into "Ima"), but what are you proving when you add letters to the shortest word in the English language???  Let's face it, it's just horribly inefficient, "ah" takes 100% more letters to type than "a"!!!

So there you have it, that's my rant for the day.  I mean, "tha" day.  Why are people so stupid?  We ain't never disrespected nobody!

Monday, May 16, 2011

I told you so!

From the Washington Post:

Donald Trump says he won’t run for president in 2012

Surprise, surprise.  Well, maybe not for me.  Looks like the sideshow is over, at least for now.  “After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the presidency,” Trump announced in a statement on Monday. Of course, being Donald Trump, he continued: “I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and, ultimately, the general election.”

Of course.

I know that the only time I ever decide not to run for president is when I would win. 

It was good while it lasted, though.  I never really considered The Donald to be anything other than a megalomaniac fattening at the trough of the media, but I did enjoy his self-centered non-conformist style.  If only all politicians would at least be honest about their love for themselves.

See you later, Donald!  I guess we just have to wait until your next self promotion opportunity?

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Top Ten reasons to celebrate Top Gun's 25th Anniversary

This Monday, May 16, is the 25th anniversary of the release of the blockbuster hit movie Top Gun.  In its honor, I offer a list of Top Gun's awesomeness - and while it's not really a top ten list, the list is long but distinguished.  (Yeah, well so is my johnson)
How about that soundtrack? Berlin topped the charts with its pop-tastic No. 1 hit “Take my Breath Away,” which has powered countless homecoming dances and weddings, and also managed to be the song for my senior prom, 12 years later. But the only way to get to Miramar is the highway to the “Danger Zone,” fueled by Kenny Loggins. Did you know that the band Toto was originally supposed to record “Danger Zone” but didn’t, due to a contract dispute?

Now, about the soundtrack - how many times have you heard a group full of drunken people sing “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feeling” (or just the “doo-doo, doo-doo” echo of the refrain)? I don’t have any hard data to prove it, but I guarantee you that out of the great many times it has occurred, only an infinitesimal percentage occurred before Top Gun. I am particularly annoyed by how it has to happen every single time (!) this song is played at (fun) weddings, but it is a tribute to just how the movie’s popularity has made it ingrained in our culture.

Some awesome movies have awesome video games, and you might find yourself watching the movie, yet wishing that you were actually playing the game. You won’t find yourself in such a predicament with Top Gun. I guarantee you will never wish you were playing the NES version of Top Gun, especially instead of watching such an awesome movie! The game sucks. It’s impossible. Just ask the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Catchphrases? We got ‘em. Some are totally eighties, some are totally cliché, and some are totally eighties cliché - “I feel the need. . .the need for speed!”

Catchy callsigns? Check. Maverick, Iceman, Merlin, Viper, Wolfman, Cougar, Slider, Stinger, even Hollywood, Jester, and Goose had great handles.

Speaking of handles, what about Anthony Edward (Goose)’s bitchin’ moustache?

The power of the eighties compels you! Lieutenant Pete "Maverick" Mitchell (and the actor who plays him) is the eighties hero -- the leading man with boyish good looks who plays by his own rules and looks damn good in a leather jacket and aviator glasses. Even Ronald Reagan isn't that eighties.
Get some Ray-bans, then we'll talk.

Now that I've mentioned the eighties, any eighties movie worth its weight in spandex has to fill a "bro-ing out" quotient, and there's so much bromance in Top Gun it's almost unseemly: Goose and Mav doing karaoke, Mav and Ice's unintentionally sexual confrontation in the locker room, the shirtless volleyball scene. Dare I say this movie about men riding on each others' tails and seeking out the right wingman borders on bro-mo-eroticism?

Never has it been cooler to be a sweaty, shirtless dude playing volleyball with other sweaty, shirtless dudes

So you think the bro-mo-eroticism is a little more like ho-mo-eroticism?  You're not the only one.  Check out this Top Gun recut:
So, Top Gun fans,  kick back, grab your copy of the movie (hey, everyone has one, right?), pop it in, and hit the flight deck.  Not feeling Top Gun enough?  Grab a call sign at the Call Sign Generator.  I'm call sign "Gamble" - you can be my wingman anytime!


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Taco Bell wants an apology!

Taco Bell wants to know:
Do you remember, back in January, when an Alabama law firm brought suit against Taco Bell, claiming the company was using "false advertising" in using the word "beef" to describe its "taco meat filling?"

Taco Bell's PR department certainly earned their pay following the lawsuit, going on the offensive, rather than sitting back and apologizing, with a company spokesman issuing this statement: "Taco Bell prides itself on serving high quality Mexican inspired food with great value. We're happy that the millions of customers we serve every week agree. We deny our advertising is misleading in any way and we intend to vigorously defend the suit."

First of all, I love the use of the phrase "high quality Mexican inspired food," because I finally get confirmation that even Taco Bell doesn't consider itself Mexican, but just "Mexican inspired."  I won't even get into discussion of the term "high quality."  But I digress; the question at hand was, is it or is it not beef?  Taco Bell took out full page ads in major newspapers, thanking the plaintiffs, because now we have the proper forum for Taco Bell to let the world know just how high quality their food really is (no word on why they couldn't tell us before the lawsuit was filed):

As it turns out, the beef filling is only 88% beef, with the secret recipe making up the other 12%.  Well, with that disclosure, I guess the plaintiffs decided that this really wasn't the moneymaking opportunity they had initially thought it was, so the lawsuit was dropped.  Of course, I'm a week or two behind on this, but, Taco Bell, not having lost an opportunity to use this lawsuit for the purpose of promotion, couldn't let it drop, and took out another set of full page ads the last week of April:
No word yet on whether the plaintiffs have apologized, or whether it would actually kill them to say they were sorry.  I, for one, am relieved to know that all the Taco Bell I allow myself to eat after a long night of binge drinking in a smoke-filled bar is only made of the highest quality beef.  And 12% secret recipe.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

Well, The Billy Blog would like to wish a very Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!  I say this with 100% sincerity- a very large portion of us wouldn't be here without you mothers.  And so, to better honor all of you mothers, I give you the one song that I know of that directly concerns a mother or motherhood:
Mother by Danzig

Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Happy Star Wars Day!

May the fourth be with you.

LOL, I heard that for the first time today, and for the rest of my life, every fourth of May, I will tell everyone.  But yes, happy Star Wars day!
How can you not like Star Wars?  "I'm not a sci-fi geek!"  Well, you don't have to be a sci-fi geek to like Star Wars.  Granted, it helps, but it is not required!
In fact, you could just be a really chubby guy who has a penchant for bad tattoos.

Seriously, who told this guy that this was a good idea?  Surely his girlfriend who would have tried to stop him. . .LOL

OK, surely he has friends who would have advised him against this. . .

Alright, which unethical bastard of a tattoo artist profited off of this atrocity?  He probably graciously accepted a tip, too.

And so now, to honor this Star Wars day, I present to you a few points about Star Wars that you may not have noticed, or you may not have cared to notice.

#1 Han shot first.  He did; I'm sorry, George Lucas, no matter how badly you want to change the past, you can't erase everyone's memory - you're not that powerful (yet).  For those of you who don't know but want to know, Google "Han shot first."  The original (before all the remakes) film went something like this:
. . .except Greedo didn't shoot.  Could this mean that Princess Leia fell in love with a murderer?

Speaking of Princess Leia, 
#2 Incest is wrong. . .unless you have the power of the force?
I know the Bible says to love your neighbor, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't say anything about your twin sister.

 #3 Apparently the rebel alliance is racist.  Why else wouldn't Chewie have gotten a medal?  All the white guys did!
Poor Chewie.  Maybe Leia gave him a more personalized reward:
 She really gets around!

#4 How does Han Solo, Captain of the Millennium Falcon, not know what the hell a parsec is???  You can retcon it all you want, but deep down, you know I'm right.  I don't want to be, but I am.

#5 I guess George Lucas wasn't satisfied with the amount of Hayden Christensen (and his bad acting) in the prequels, but did he have to include him in Return of the Jedi???
 #6 Jar-Jar Binks??  REALLY???
For the love of God, George Lucas, how could you have been brilliant enough to dream up Star Wars, yet dumb enough to include Jar-Jar Binks?  I mean, the Ewoks were cute and fun, and they beat the hell out of the Imperial garrison, but come on!  He even said "Ex-squeeze me."  Did he just get done watching Wayne's World?  "Ex-squeeze me?  Bacon powder?"

But again, I really love me some Star Wars.  I can only pick on it so much because I've seen so much of it.  Happy Star Wars Day to all of you!  May the fourth be with you!
It's true.  You can try, but you will fail.


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Patriotic Rush Continues

As I established yesterday, The Billy Blog loves America, and was pretty pleased to hear that Osama bin Laden was brought to justice.  I was also pretty surprised to find out that apparently quite a sizable portion of the US feels the same way, so much to the point of actually going out and celebrating.  I think that may be a little over the top, but hey, to each his own; if that's how it hit you, then that's how it hit you.  I think that walks the fine line between lauding justice and vengefully celebrating the death of a human, but again, it was a very emotion-provoking event, and if it strikes you to celebrate in the streets, then so be it.  At least you're not rioting in the streets and killing random strangers because some douche bag half a world away set fire to a book.

When the news broke out, it was a little crazy for me. My brother (the Ragin' Man!) texted me to turn on the news. As I was on the computer and was too lazy to go into a room with a television, I did a quick news search, and found out that the president was going to have a news conference on an unknown topic, which is highly unusual. My first thought was that all this turmoil in the Middle East finally turned nuclear. Why hadn't I started stockpiling survival resources like I had planned?!? So I ran to a TV and flipped through the cable news channels until I found Geraldo Rivera on FOX proclaiming Usama bin Laden (I’ve noticed that FOX has sometimes used this spelling since all the way back in September of 2001) had been killed, and how happy that made Geraldo. Well gee, Geraldo, don’t try to sugar coat it or anything!

THEY did all the hard work, but I feel like I was along for the ride
So that was met with both relief (WW3 will have to wait!) as well as a startling sense of accomplishment - I felt like I was somehow with the SEAL team that capped Osama!  Look at that, America - you can do what you set out to do, even if it takes a long time!  It also reminded me of the feelings from 9/11, and seeing all the celebrations brought back how the atrociousness of the 9/11 attacks brought America together - and I feel that togetherness once again!

And let me not forget - a big kudos to the US intelligence personnel, and a gracious thanks to our armed forces, especially the guys who took out the trash.  It's not often that our intelligence community gets to celebrate its successes (generally, we only hear when they fail), and I am so thankful for the military, doing all the hard work and putting themselves in harm's way for my sake.  One hell of a job, and thank you so much.

Now for a few thoughts –

Was killing bin Laden necessary? Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how much you really hated the guy), yes, I think that America just had to do it. Consider the alternatives –

We capture him, he escapes. Back to square one.

We capture him, now what do we do with him? While we’re trying to decide, guess what suddenly became the #1 target for suicide bombers and other forms of terrorist blackmail?

OK, we’ve captured him, and we’ve decided to put him on trial. What if he hires Johnnie “if it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” Cochran as his attorney? (I realize he’s dead, but work with me here) Great, now not only would bin Laden have masterminded 9/11, but a jury of morons acquits him, and he gets off scot free!

My father always used to jokingly question the wisdom of letting your dependents know just how much life insurance you were carrying, saying, “I always make sure I’m worth more alive than I am dead!” Capturing Osama bin Laden and keeping him alive for any length of time would have been a huge liability to the US, and executing him after any period of captivity would have been even worse. I’m sure that some will see him as such regardless, but taking him into custody and executing him (with or without a trial) would definitely solidify his position as a martyr.

Plus, you also have the vengeance factor. Don’t mess with the US, or we’ll shoot you in the face. Even if it takes ten years.

This is why you don't F with the US!

What about the decision for a burial at sea? Eh, sounds good to me.

I personally would like to have tossed it in a small pen full of randy hogs, and televised the hilarity that would ensue. Then let said hogs snack. Then let said hogs defecate. Then take it all and grind it up into sausage links and ship it to the Taliban, COD. But, that’s just the part of me that wants to send a message to all wanna-be-terrorists out there – not only will we find you and shoot you in the face, but we’ll return savagery with savagery and desecrate your remains such that all memories of you will involve comparison to a jumbo stadium dog. But I can see how that would be insensitive (don’t care) and would incite retaliation against the US (do care).

I also know that should the US have kept (or, admitted to keeping) his body, that would have also been a great target for reprisals or attacks. “Hey! Anyone else who wants to come with us, we’re going to suicide bomb the infidels until they return the great martyr’s remains! Who’s with me?!?!?” Yes, I acknowledge that there are still terrorists out there who will try to harm us, but terrorism can be more directed when it has a specific, tangible goal as opposed to terrorism just because you hate the west.

That doesn’t even take into consideration the final resting place – can you imagine if the US actually buried bin Laden somewhere on US soil? It would have to be guarded against a crusade to recover the body as well as guarded against those who might want to desecrate the remains. How would you feel about your tax dollars going to fund protection for Osama bin Laden’s body???

Besides, what do you do when you go out and eat some particularly spicy food that just tears you up inside – do you try to get revenge on the poo? No, you just flush the shit right down the drain and forget all about it.

So yes, all things considered, I’m perfectly OK with tossing the body off an aircraft carrier. Just make sure it’s weighted down, and wrapped in bacon.
bin Laden's burial shroud

Who's the liberal pussy now???
How about the president on this one? I have to admit, if you would have said to me two months ago that President Obama pretty much signed Osama’s death warrant, I would have laughed at you because it doesn’t fit into his “apologize to the world for being America” approach to foreign policy.  But there you have it, Obama showed me (and the rest of the world) that he does, in fact, have the intestinal fortitude to make the hard decisions.  I guess this means that Hilary Clinton's "3AM Phone Call" attack ad was wrong!

Of course, you still have your liberal douche-nozzle pantywaists who are complaining that this attack was carried out on sovereign soil without the knowledge of that nation. You know what? Tough noogies. It’s pretty painfully obvious that no matter how corrupt Pakistan is and/or how much it pretends to be our ally, if they’re harboring terrorists (especially the big cheese!), then we have a right to act. Besides, one definition of “sovereignty” is “having supreme, independent authority over a territory,” and if we have to go in and lay down the law, I would say that perhaps they’re just a third world thugocracy instead of a sovereign nation. So suck it Pakistan, and suck it left wing complainers. If we get the bad rap for being world police anyway, we might as well at least reap the benefits.

Then you have your arch-conservative nut-job crybabies who look to find fault in anything remotely connected to Obama. Did he assassinate bin Laden for a boost in the polls? Yes, that’s exactly what he did. He’s so devious that he took the life of another human for a bump in the polls . . . six months after the last general election, and eighteen months out from his own re-election opportunity. Brilliant! Now maybe if you stopped griping about all the moronic stuff, everyone else would listen a little more closely when you had something serious to complain about.

And finally, you have your talking head media-types who are somehow trying to use this as another furious circle-jerk opportunity over how much better Obama is than Bush was. “Oh, George Bush didn’t have Osama killed? I didn’t know that! Thanks for reminding me, Lawrence O’Donnell!!! I guess I won’t vote for him the next time he’s running for president!” PS, take Chris Matthews’ dick out of your mouth, you filthy whore.
I can't decide which he loves more - Obama, or the cock?

And so there you have it.  I know there are some other conspiracy nuts out there who are saying that it all never happened, and the body was supposedly dumped so nobody would know the truth, but whatever.  You can't please everybody.  I don't care; justice has been served.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Damn, it feels good to be an American!

Now, time for a little inappropriate video describing my approximate feelings at hearing the news that Osama bin Laden was dead:

Warning: contains explicit language and in-your-face patriotism!

I'll definitely expand on my thoughts tomorrow, but I wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate with the rest of America.  No, I'm not necessarily celebrating at the death of another human being, but I am glad that justice has been served, and it's good to see that America will accomplish what it sets out to do, even if it takes 10 years!

Do you see this world?  This is an illustration of the might of America:

What's more patriotic than Hulk Hogan clutching an American flag?  Perhaps Hulk Hogan playing an American flag guitar in front of an American flag?
Does it get any more American?
 Now I'm a bit disappointed because I couldn't find the actual music video of Rick Derringer that shows the Hulkster playing that guitar, but here is the song that I'm talking about:

God Bless the USA!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I love me some Donald Trump!

Your papers, please.
First off, let me say that I don’t honestly think that Trump will be running. I think he’s a great businessman (and if you don’t believe me, just ask him; he’ll be sure to tell you how he feels on how great of a businessman he is), and part of being a great businessman is being a good showman. One of the hallmarks of a good showman is that he can attract attention to himself, and when the spotlight is on, he knows how to keep it on himself. How can he better keep it on himself than to keep the whole “is he running?” question going?

So why do we, here at The Billy Blog’s Institute for Campaign Excellence (We're cold as ICE, and we are willing to sacrifice!), love The Donald? Well, it’s not so much of a love for the man as it is a love for what he’s doing and the way in which he’s doing it, as well as what he represents. You see, most people who appear as possible candidates for president are career politicians, afraid of “rocking the boat,” and so not only will they not dare to say anything controversial, but they may avoid any campaign specifics, or even any legislative votes on tough issues that could be brought up later! (See: Obama, Barack) Other possible candidates for the presidency are ideologues who may have a strong stance on one issue (or even a handful), and that stance may resonate with some voters, but they may become deferential on other issues so as to not seem too extreme or scare other voters away, and, let’s be honest, everybody knows they don’t really stand a chance anyway. (See: Kusinich, Dennis; Paul, Ron; Nader, Ralph)  Then, you occasionally get the lame, ultra-boring candidates that really have no business being in the running but somehow manage to stay in the race because the media, secure in their dislike for certain politicians, prop up said candidates as much as possible in a concerted effort to unseat the incumbent.  (See: Kerry, John)

How is The Don different? Well, for starters, he’s not afraid of rocking the boat. It’s very rare that you find an interviewee who will challenge the interviewer (at least for political interviews), question the questions, and generally be forthright in saying what he feels, but that’s what Trump provides. Some talking heads in the media have tried to poke fun at his interjection of “excuse me” countless times throughout the course of an interview, but I think it is very refreshing.
 PS, Chris Matthews - you're a douchebag.

I actually really like it, because it keeps the journalists somewhat honest and it means that they can’t just ask pointed questions to make an interviewee look bad.

Would you want to interview this guy???
Perhaps the biggest leap Trump made in my estimation of him came from his reaction to Obama releasing his long form birth certificate.  You see, although the issue had been simmering for a couple of years, Obama dropped his resistance to the birth certificate issue as soon as its utility as a tacit race card was outweighed by the liability of increasing doubt the issue was fomenting.  So, Obama, displaying obvious annoyance at the silliness of the issue, announced the release of the birth certificate and proclaimed the need for attention to be focused on more serious matters, like flying to Chicago later that day to tape the Oprah show.  What was the catalyst of change?  None other than Donald Trump himself. 

So how did Trump react when Obama finally released his birth certificate?  Well, do you remember that kid in elementary school who, whenever you beat him in a game you were playing, would insist that he won because you didn't know what the rules were?  Or, he might say that you finished with a higher score, but he wasn't trying to score as many points as possible, but was aiming for some other goal instead - and he would insist it so forcefully that you honestly couldn't tell whether that was really the case or not - do you remember how royally pissed off that would make you, because it robbed you of your complete victory?  Well, that is exactly what Donald Trump did, on a national stage.  "Oh, your birth certificate?  How about your transcripts?"

Buy my stuff, and you can be like me!

So what is Trump doing? He’s building a brand. Well, I guess he’s building on a brand, since pretty much everyone already knows who he is, but you get my point.  Let's face it, The Donald doesn't care if you like him or hate him.  He knows, though, that the more you see of him, the more you're likely to like him or hate him more, and you're more likely to watch his show if you hate him than if you don't give a crap about him at all.  He's a classic heel, someone you love to hate, and he's totally playing the role.  I love how he has been able to turn "election 2012" into his own personal ego-fest.  Go Donald!