Friday, May 13, 2011

The Top Ten reasons to celebrate Top Gun's 25th Anniversary

This Monday, May 16, is the 25th anniversary of the release of the blockbuster hit movie Top Gun.  In its honor, I offer a list of Top Gun's awesomeness - and while it's not really a top ten list, the list is long but distinguished.  (Yeah, well so is my johnson)
How about that soundtrack? Berlin topped the charts with its pop-tastic No. 1 hit “Take my Breath Away,” which has powered countless homecoming dances and weddings, and also managed to be the song for my senior prom, 12 years later. But the only way to get to Miramar is the highway to the “Danger Zone,” fueled by Kenny Loggins. Did you know that the band Toto was originally supposed to record “Danger Zone” but didn’t, due to a contract dispute?

Now, about the soundtrack - how many times have you heard a group full of drunken people sing “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feeling” (or just the “doo-doo, doo-doo” echo of the refrain)? I don’t have any hard data to prove it, but I guarantee you that out of the great many times it has occurred, only an infinitesimal percentage occurred before Top Gun. I am particularly annoyed by how it has to happen every single time (!) this song is played at (fun) weddings, but it is a tribute to just how the movie’s popularity has made it ingrained in our culture.

Some awesome movies have awesome video games, and you might find yourself watching the movie, yet wishing that you were actually playing the game. You won’t find yourself in such a predicament with Top Gun. I guarantee you will never wish you were playing the NES version of Top Gun, especially instead of watching such an awesome movie! The game sucks. It’s impossible. Just ask the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Catchphrases? We got ‘em. Some are totally eighties, some are totally cliché, and some are totally eighties cliché - “I feel the need. . .the need for speed!”

Catchy callsigns? Check. Maverick, Iceman, Merlin, Viper, Wolfman, Cougar, Slider, Stinger, even Hollywood, Jester, and Goose had great handles.

Speaking of handles, what about Anthony Edward (Goose)’s bitchin’ moustache?

The power of the eighties compels you! Lieutenant Pete "Maverick" Mitchell (and the actor who plays him) is the eighties hero -- the leading man with boyish good looks who plays by his own rules and looks damn good in a leather jacket and aviator glasses. Even Ronald Reagan isn't that eighties.
Get some Ray-bans, then we'll talk.

Now that I've mentioned the eighties, any eighties movie worth its weight in spandex has to fill a "bro-ing out" quotient, and there's so much bromance in Top Gun it's almost unseemly: Goose and Mav doing karaoke, Mav and Ice's unintentionally sexual confrontation in the locker room, the shirtless volleyball scene. Dare I say this movie about men riding on each others' tails and seeking out the right wingman borders on bro-mo-eroticism?

Never has it been cooler to be a sweaty, shirtless dude playing volleyball with other sweaty, shirtless dudes

So you think the bro-mo-eroticism is a little more like ho-mo-eroticism?  You're not the only one.  Check out this Top Gun recut:
So, Top Gun fans,  kick back, grab your copy of the movie (hey, everyone has one, right?), pop it in, and hit the flight deck.  Not feeling Top Gun enough?  Grab a call sign at the Call Sign Generator.  I'm call sign "Gamble" - you can be my wingman anytime!



  1. I gotta be honest, I've never watched this movie due to a knee jerk reaction to hate Tom Cruise.

  2. Top Gun, ultimate bromance movie,

  3. The teeth click. It's amazing. If someone does that they deserve instant derision since no one will ever do it as good as Val Kilmer.

  4. movie was awesome, still is, anyone who didnt see it, should watch it asap

  5. that movie was awful and it's still, the wheelchair race was the best part.

  6. Gotta disagree about the NES game. Landing the plane was hard as hell, but I have fond memories of dogfighting on a rented copy of that one for weeks.